saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
there's paper in my vomit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
