i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
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i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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