Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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