i was born a porn star she said
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
