shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
