He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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