hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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