im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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