I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
