Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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