Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he told me I talked like a deaf person
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
