Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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