maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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