Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
