fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
