So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
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