highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
