We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
