Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
