I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
