Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
