11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
