Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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