oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
