How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
