wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
