i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
