he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
