There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
