ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
