I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
