Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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