i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize