Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
