i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
