Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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