I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
