Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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