she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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