I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
