you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
