This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
