i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize