I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
