My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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