last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
