hotel room ftw
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
