you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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