Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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