Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
