Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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