oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
