No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
