I heard we made out
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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