So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
