Me. At least after what I've been through.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago