i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
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the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night