nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina