So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
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Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you