I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just googled if crying burns calories
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it