I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
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Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.