You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
