Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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