My brain says no but my pants say off.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
