Someone shit on the floor
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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