ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
