Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
