Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
