Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
