Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
