2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
