people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
