Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
