I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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