i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
