I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
