He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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