Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
