i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
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Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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