i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
