just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
