All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
