my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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