So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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