in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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