yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
