Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
