the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
