I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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